my two cents

this is in response to the vtech shootings and the conversations it has spurred on in recent days.....take it for what its worth, which isn't all that much

can we stop for just one moment and reflect on what has just happened here.  33 people are dead.  32 of those people were killed by one man who was so angry, and lonely, and lost that he went into classrooms as started shooting people point blank, without saying a word.  then he kills himself.  32 people.  32 people who had families and lives and stories about last weekend and graduation partys to go to in a few weeks.  people who had plans for lunch that day and tests to take and finals to study for.  people who were people. 

can we stop criticizing the media for 2 seconds to mourn the fact that these people are dead - gone, no longer with us.  can we stop blaming the media for 2 seconds to think what this is going to mean for the lives of those people at vtech?  i realize REALLY sad things happen all over the world every day, but this is their sad thing that will probably end up defining their lives in so many ways.  can we please just think and mourn and pray about that?

this brings me to my next point - shit happens pretty much everywhere - nowhere is better or worse than any other place.  all of the world is FILLED with sinful people doing very ugly and sinful things.  so maybe no one in the middle east would come to school and shoot up 30 people but someone would strap a bomb to their car, drive it into a public square and blow up themselves and the other surrounding 30 people.  i don't want to live there either. 

wouldn't a more productive and glorifying conversation instead focus on what we can do to remedy the situation.  obviously we cant change what has already happened, but cant we oh, i don't know, work towards it not happening again.  and no this is not a plug for anti-gun legislation. 

i'm serious when i say this, every time i watch the news and they interview this guys room mate i am PISSED.  he is in no way remorseful that he ought to have done more.  maybe i shouldn't be angry at him - i am pretty sure if i were him i would have given up on trying to talk to my mute room mate too. but it makes me think - who in my life am i ignoring because they're not easy to love - bc they don't return my phone calls and bc they don't give me something back for my efforts.  who do i tune out because they let me and bc i'm too consumed with the things in my life that are able to give back?  this is a hard question for me to answer - mainly bc i don't like what that answer is. 

can we think about this instead of blaming the media for their perhaps sometimes insensitive coverage of this.  trust me folks, i get it - the media a lot of times steps its nose into stories that don't need to get told.  thus the reason i left the jschool at good ole mizzou.  but, they do get ALOT of things right, and no, they're not perfect.  they're not supposed to be.  that also is the point. nothing is going to pass the scruntiny of our standards all of the time.  (ie point me to jesus) so for goodness sake, lets thank them for covering this story, a story which cannot be easy to tell.  i mean do you want to go to vtech, take pictures of dead and dying people being carried out of building bleeding to death and then write home about it.  no.  no you don't.  and don't try to tell me you do or that they do.  they do it bc they have to.  no one wants to write that story. 

i realize that in so many ways, i truly am that naive, christian girl who is in no way informed enough to have such strong opinions on matters that are far more complicated and bigger than i will ever know.  but thus, thats why i guess we have things like xangas, so people can say whatever it is thats on their mind and not fear the ramifications too much bc it is afterall, just a blog.

a very random update

Currently Reading Three Nights in August By Buzz Bissinger see related

so ive been thinking lately

i woke up this morning (on a monday) and for some reason was in the best mood - definitely the best mood ive been in on a monday morning for a long time.  im not sure why - all i know is that i was singing how great is our god as i walked out to my car and threw my backpack into the backseat.  and i was only a few minutes late to ispas class - which is good because i almost didnt go at all but bad because i'm trying to be more on time these days. 

two (main) things have hit me pretty hard these last two weeks and ill share them with you - oh great and mighty xanga world - because thats what people do in xanga world.  right? i guess so.

1.  i've been really convicted of a need to pray more.  see heres the thing -  i have all these grand plans that i want god to do in my life and the lives of those around me.  i want the lord to take my entire stinkin family and show himself to them - all of them.  not just one or two but all.  and i really have no problem thinking thats at all impossible - i mean he is the god of miracles isnt he?  then this summer - well this past summer i saw all sorts of ways for the lord to move in their hearts - but all those great ideas i had - well lets just say they must not be the same as the lords because not one of em has happened yet.  so ok.  whatever. gods plan is different than mine - big surprise there.  not so much.    but the thing is -  i was still really kind of pissed off at god.  i stopped thinking spendng time with him was important, i stopped praising him for stuff and i turned more into a person who wanted god to make my life easy and simple.  all the while im think, i want my family to come to know him - is that so bad? no!  why cant he just do it!  i mean jeez its soo stinkin hard sometimes to go home to them and have to deal with it all.  i want soo badly for it just to be easy and fun and good when i go home.  is that so bad or hard?  eh.  well then allie's selfish/sinful motives get kicked in the rear end by the word and suddenly life makes sense again.  kinda.  yes the lords plan is different than mine - see above - i already got that.  but what hit me is this - PRAY ABOUT IT DANG IT!  i was sooo busy telling people what i wanted that i never really talked to him about it.  and lets just face the facts here people, he's the only one who actually has any power to do anything about it.  so, heres what i've learned about prayer - its a blessing!  what? why? ummm, bc when i actually started praying about it my heart started changing.  i could see it right away.  i went from this demanding, i want life to go my way immature rantings to a heart that was far more humble, seeing of my own sin, being able to love my fam for whose they are and not what they should be.  eureka.  my prayers made me stop hating god for not doing what i wanted him to do - and now im beginning to see him as who he is.  he's good.  and hes not holding anything back bc what he's given me today is his very best for me and thats all i need.  amen!

2. i absolutely have the best friends in the world.  i realize everyone says this.  and its probably true.  the lord blesses everyone with people that love them, understand them, sacrifice for them, listen to them, cry with them, call them when they are lonely, clean up after them, bring them banana chocolate milkshakes when they've had a crappy day, make them laugh, call them out when they are being stupid and ridiculous, make them cool presents because they were thinking about them, etc etc etc.  well, lets just say that im so thankful for the people the lord has put in my life.  they pretty much love me and teach me and show me the gospel in more ways then i could have ever even thought to ask for.  sometimes, i think the lord gives us what we dont ask for because the stuff we are asking for - well we dont really need those things after all.  so im pretty glad gods cool like that. (i think i just sounded a lot like a garth brookes song)

3.  other interesting things i've been thinking about. . . .

for some people, the only gospel they'll ever read is the gospel according to you

my reality is not gods truth

apathy leads to destruction

and. . . .

im pretty sure carpenter should be pitching when i go to the game on saturday - thats enough to make me smile anytime!   

(ok xanga world there you have it - my first real entry, im not sure if this will continue or not, you'll just have to wait and see)